I was asked again about what I lost when I became a mother, I usually answer in a very polite way but to be honest it infuriates me, the questions itself is an offense, please stop asking women this offensive question, please stop asking women offensive questions.
Women are asked all kinds of offensive questions and we just suck it up, I often did, smile nervously trying not to be rude to someone who was being rude to me. I don’t sleep enough to do this anymore, I fin my tolerance being used for more important situations, there is no more tolerance left for stupid questions.
Motherhood is hard, I would be lying if I said it wasn’t, but it is also beautiful, empowering, strengthening, fulfilling, and full of love.
I didn’t know what is like having to act under paralyzing fear untill I found out I was pregnant, I didn’t know exhaustion until I had to breastfeed my child every two hours for 2 months day and night, I didn’t know pain until I had to walk a few hours after a C-section, I didn’t know love until I saw her face.
To compare life before and after motherhood just to point out one as better than the other makes motherhood look like a great sacrifice that women have to make just to have a child that consumes her time and forces her to give up everything she enjoys, this idea that there is no bigger sacrifice a human can make is implanted in everyone’s brain from a very young age, and that predisposes women to fear motherhood or to look back and yearn for what was lost in it taking away from us the power that it brings.
There is no bigger power than the creative power a woman posses, and it is taken away from you every time you fear it.
I’m not saying that a woman that has become a mother is better than one who has not. Becoming a mother is a very personal choice, women are powerful, that power is there and is ours wether we choose to become mothers or not. But we are taught to fear it and questions like that one add power to that fear.
So when someone asks what do I think I lost when I became a mother I don’t understand what it is that they expect to hear…
I lost decency and modesty aside from that, nothing worth writing about.